Just another broken heart story.

Hari ini sama seperti hari2 biasa setelah gw ditinggal untuk orang lain 2 taun yang lalu.
Aneh banget. Gw emang aneh banget. Ngapain berlarut2 sampe kaya gini.
Ngapain tiap kali ditolak orang selalu malah nangisnya gara2 kejadian 2 taun lalu, bukan malah karena ditolak sama yang baru??
Kenapa gw harus suka sama orang yang tidak tepat... whatever that means.
pokoknya akhirnya ditolak. alasannya? karena dia bukan gay, katanya. karena dia nggak mau pacaran, kata yang lainnya. karena baru putus mungkin sama pacarnya, kata temen yang lainnya.
Apa ini semua jawaban dari perbuatan gw sendiri, yang nggak bisa menghargai apa yang udah dikasih ke gw setelah putus 2 taun yang lalu? which is a perfect relationship with a much younger boy? yang selalu ada buat gw, selalu perhatian, selalu sabar...
satu hal yang gw sesali dgn hubungan itu... why did i ever think of getting a new relationship right after i got dumped from a 6 year relationship? gw selalu meyakinkan diri gw sendiri dgn bilang: INI BUKAN PELARIAN, KOK! but why, makin lama perbedaan umur makin kerasa, dan malah gw lebih sering nangis gara2 mantan??

sekarang ada yang baru, yang menolak gw secara pelan2, ga secara langsung, karena dia baru putus sama pacarnya. ternyata setelah baca blognya dia disini, gw baru tau kalo dia diputusin karena mantannya jadian sama orang lain.. dan dia ga bisa nerima.
kok dejavu ya.
apa karena kita sama2 pisces?
well...
too many rejections in such a short time but still we need to be strong cause we are told that all these are a process of healing.
just like what he wrote on his blog: seekor kupu2 dibantu keluar dari kepompongnya, malah akhirnya jadi ga bisa terbang.
I've heard this before and it definitely makes sense.
but not for everybody, i assure you.
things like this are worst...
you'll never know whether you end up as beautiful as the butterfly when u finally get over him.
As for myself, udah 2 taun gw ditinggalin sama dia, tapi tetep aja gw malah ngerasa kaya kepompong yang udah ditinggalin sama kupu2nya... kosong... abandoned...
bukan malah kaya kupu2 yang udah bisa terbang dgn anggunnya.

but you're right not to accept my offerings...
love cannot be forced

my other friend, who found it favorable to get a 'replacement' right after the broke up, once said:
THE NEW ONE CAN HELP YOU HEAL.
i wrote this in capitals to mention that he told me this more than enough.
Well it just didnt work the same for me.
he helped me a lot, surely. but somehow it's not that simple at all!

as with this butterfly guy...
i called him on the phone yesterday evening and he agreed to meet up with me and he said he wants to clear something up.
what else could that be? a formal rejection?
i'm so fortunate that i found his blog before i took the chance on being rejected in person...
I dont need that at this moment...
like i said... too many rejections.
not your fault, butterfly... i appreciate all you've done and thought...
It's just me... trying to stand up again after a long fall over and over again..